Winifred sat with smiles on her face. Dressed in a pink knitted gown that matched her nails, there was a happy contagious aura about her. You would not guess she has moved through seven states, survived instability, had a broken-off engagement, and once took Bible verses so literally it got her slapped. But ask her about adulthood, and she will tell you plainly: she loves it, even with the bills.
“I like paying my own bills,” she says with a laugh. “Because then I control where my money goes and can make choices for myself.”
From State to State, and Never Settled
Born into a home constantly on the move—thanks to her Dad’s postings as a military news official—Winifred grew up learning not to get too attached to people or places. “We never really settled and connected with our environment,” she says. “It always felt like a roller coaster. From Abuja to Kano, Gombe, Benue, Plateau… we were always moving places.”
Her childhood was marked by a contrast of structure and softeness: a strict father and a cautious, caring mother. “My mom would say, ‘If someone gives you something, don’t collect o!’” she recalls, mimicking her mother’s voice fondly with a grin. But the one constant thing about her childhood? Television. “Barney, Mr. Bean… We were very close-knit with the TV as children,” she says.
When it came to the big, serious conversations around morality or emotions with her parents, those were similar to the camel passing through the eye of a needle.
However, there was one moment she remembers vividly: “I never knew white lies and I took bible lessons very seriously. One day, my mom told me to lie to a woman and say she wasn’t home when she was. But I confronted her later with the Bible verse from Matthew, ‘But mommy, liars go to hell.’ The slap that followed? My ears were ringing for hours.”
With age and time came understanding. “I understood that scenario better when I grew up,” she says, “I think my mom was owing the woman at the time and I didn’t know.”
Growing Up and Growing Free
Unlike many people who mourn the loss of childhood freedom, Winifred says adulthood has been more liberating.
“As a child, there were too many external factors controlling everything—my dad’s job, moving places, uncertainty. Now, even though it’s hard, I control my space. I make my choices. Even if I mess up, at least it’s my mess. I know where my money’s going. I love the nuances of adulthood.”
Not all parts of being an adult are thrilling though. “I hate paying school fees,” she admits without hesitation. “I don’t like it at all,” she says with so much laughter.
But doing her nails? She finds it therapeutic. “I like some bills, like doing my nails.” she says, raising her pink nails with a smile for us to see.
But beyond bills and beauty rituals, adulthood has also meant navigating the complex terrain of love and loyalty.
On Dating and the Myth of Finding ‘The One’
While she enjoys the little joys of adulthoods—love and friendship, on the other hand, have proven far less predictable. “Dating? I’m tired. I don’t like men-business and relationships. I honestly think our parents should bring back matchmaking.”
She laughs but means it. “You think you’ve found your person, then the next minute—you’re strangers. It’s tiring.”
Friendships, too, haven’t always felt simple either. “You’ll think you’re childhood besties. Next thing she’s calling you a hater because you didn’t compliment her dress. Like, how? I could be going through something, and you don’t even know.”
Still, Winifred’s longest-standing friendships are the ones from childhood. “My childhood friends have stayed the longest in my life. There’s respect there. When people see you, and you’re not a ‘wasted potential,’ there’s a form of kinship. Like, we’re all trying in this adulthood game.”
Being a Soft Independent Woman
Society is quick to look at independent women like Winifred in a certain way. She agrees but doesn’t let it affect her way of life.
Winifred believes there’s a deep-rooted perception of how women view money. “Women have a bad relationship with money. We touch money a lot but don’t know how to grow it. Growing up, women didn’t even have accounts. My mom opened hers in 2010. So, we hold onto money with a scarcity mindset. But I think differently about money. This is why I love to pay my bills.”
But even with all the “independent woman” energy, she’s still learning to receive.
“I like paying my bills, yes. But that doesn’t mean I won’t let someone spoil me. If I’m in a mall with my big trolley and someone offers to pay? I’ll let them and thank them graciously. So even though I am independent, I let myself receive.”
She continues, “People look at me and ask, ‘Are you the last born?’ I say no, I’m just not carrying it on my head.”
On Societal Pressure and the Race Against Time
The society often tries to rush women through life. Winifred knows the feeling.
“Once you hit 25, they start counting for you. ‘Where’s your husband?’ ‘Where are the children?’ And I’m like, you told me not to date—so where should he come from?”
She also empathizes with those who think this way, “It’s their understanding of how life should be because that’s how they do it, but it doesn’t mean that’s how I should do it. It’s my race, and I’ll run it myself.“
Winifred refuses to be boxed by societal expectations. “The Ethiopian calendar is still in 2018. So what’s the rush? Age and time are a mindset thing. When you’re young in your mind as often and keep a fresh, open mindset, you’re open to receiving more knowledge and learning.”
That said, she’s not all vibes and winging it. “Enjoy the process, yes—but have goals. Because if you’re not careful, ‘enjoy the process’ will have you blinking and you’re 30 with nothing planned,” she says.
Bitter Pills, Better Mindsets
For Winifred, some of adulthood’s earliest lessons came cloaked in romance—and regret. At just 20, she was engaged to a man 12 years older. “I got engaged at 20,” she reveals with a smile. “He was older, already doing well, and I thought I’d be a young wife, have my kids, go to school. I’d have it all,” she says, recalling the dream with a soft, ironic smile.
In many conservative cultures, such early engagement is often seen as security—a shortcut to a ‘settled’ life. But for Winifred, it became a detour into emotional and medical turmoil.
A uterine complication meant childbirth would be difficult without careful management. Instead of offering support, her fiancé viewed it through a religious lens.“I found out I had issues with my uterus,” she shares. “But he saw that as something spiritual.”
The relationship ended abruptly. He left the country. Her family returned everything. And in that moment, the fantasy unraveled—but a new chapter quietly began.
Unlearning, Relearning, and Becoming
“I had to go to therapy for two years,” Winifred says, her voice steady. “To truly get over it.” It was during those sessions that she met words she once dismissed as social media buzzwords—narcissism, misogyny, gaslighting—and gave them real, painful definitions through her own story.
What began as heartbreak grew into self-awareness. But the impact wasn’t just hers to carry. “It opened my mom’s eyes too,” she reflects. “Before, marriage was about a man having money or stability. Now she asks different questions: ‘How does he reason?’ because most times women have things happen to them and at the end of the day, it’s our mothers or sisters that are there for us,” she says.
The experience, though difficult, forced a generational shift. And now, Winifred herself is clearer on what she needs. “I expect love in action—not just when everything is rosy. I want friendship, emotional intelligence… someone who really speaks to my soul.”
To hear Winifred tell the story in her own words, watch the full episode here.
